Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
