i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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