i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
