His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
