just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
