Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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