He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize