You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
