Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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