Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
