It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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