I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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