True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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