Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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