that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
