Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
