he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
