Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
