I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
