what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Randomize
