i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
