my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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