I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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