its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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