The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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