I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
