break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize