I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it hurts more in the daytime
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
