Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
