I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
