I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
