I wish life had little blips of pornography
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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