the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
