she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
