I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
