You made me cry and you don't even care
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
