it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She bit a glass in half.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
