my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
