Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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