Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize