oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
