he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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