If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
