yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize