If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
