it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
