also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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