I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
