I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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