last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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