The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
