...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
