I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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