Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
