I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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