Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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