So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
