We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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