Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize