I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
