I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This toilet bowl is my home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
