Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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