Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
