My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
