I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
