I got chris browned last night
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So vagazzling was a success
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize