We won't sleep together?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize