i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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