He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
